Rich in turmoil as workers desert London
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The prime minister has been detained after dog walkers found him staggering around an alley having seemingly not eaten for days. One onlooker said he had seen him desperately trying to smash open a tin of foie gras with a rock.
Boris Johnson announced last week he was looking for a new cook after his entire staff joined the exodus from London complaining they couldn’t afford to stay.
The episode is the latest in a series of celebrity shocks as workers such as nurses, electricians, teachers and cleaners are priced out of the capital, forced away by spiralling rent hikes, unaffordable house prices and the mass sale and demolition of council housing.
Activists and housing experts have pointed to the Housing and Planning Act (2016), which ended lifetime secure tenancies and forced the sale of council homes, as the piece of legislation that rang the final death knell for genuinely affordable housing in London.
Over-spilling sewers, derelict houses and decomposing bodies have become everyday sights. The only remaining medical facilities in zone 1 are private clinics specialising in plastic surgery.
Oil baron Gus Brannon told the Standard Evening last week: “I went in for gall bladder surgery last month, but came out with a new nose.”
Meanwhile the departure of train drivers and mechanics has been putting mounting strain on the capital’s rail network.
Cracks in the new social order first began to appear when malnourished oligarchs and cabinet ministers were found fighting over handouts at a food bank.
The outlook is equally bleak for high society revellers. As domestic labour has become increasingly scarce in the capital, a new craze has developed for billionaires to employ famous actors and well-known TV personalities as waitresses, chauffeurs and nannies.
The trend began in 2019 when the Saudi royal family employed soap opera star Danny Dryer to work as Head Butler at exclusive dinner parties and champagne receptions hosted in their palatial Mayfair home.
One former party guest said: “Danny added a certain grit and authenticity to proceedings. But the man has no decorum. He was heard calling the King of Jordan a ‘cheeky slag’. You just can’t get the staff these days.”
